My love is on the line
by sirageeks
Summary: When you cannot bear the hopeless waiting anymore it is time to move on. (GS)


**Title: My love is on the line**

**Disclaimer:** As always I do own nothing.

**Rating: **PG

**A/N:** I want to thank you my wonderful beta KmNO4. I don't know how she does it but whenever she works with my texts she makes them sound so much better! So thank you for being a fantastic beta and even more for being a wonderful friend!

I borrowed the lyrics from Anastacia's wonderful song: My love is on the line.

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**My love is on the line**

It was only after passing the 'Leaving Las Vegas' sign that she allowed tears to run freely down her cheeks. She had not cried for months but now that she considered this chapter of her life to be well and truly over, she needed to wash away the pain the city had left. The unrequited love she had kept bottled up inside of her for so long.

Hope died a slow and painful death until finally her longing -for something so obviously not meant to be- had released its grip on her.

A heavy wind from behind the car began to stir up the dust of the desert. It veiled the road ahead from her sight causing her to gently slow down. It was not soon after this that huge droplets of water began to flood the ground.

She laughed aloud, her voice bittered by the irony of life. She had not told any of her colleagues that she would be leaving, in fact she had made every effort to conceal the truth from them. Now it seemed like mother nature was doing her best to properly erase ever last trace of her from Las Vegas.

Not even her tire tracks would remain...

**A little late for all the things you didn't say   
I'm not sad for you   
But I'm sad for all the time I had to waste   
Cause I learned the truth   
Your heart is in a place I no longer wanna be   
I knew there'd come a day I´d set you free cause…   
  
I'm sick and tired   
I've always been sick and tired**

He paced up and down his office. Out of his mouth fell words of anger and despair. Since the Sheriff's call he felt like a wild animal limited to the boundaries of his cage. There were so many things he wanted to do and say, but deep down inside he knew that he wouldn't do anything at all.

He was like a deer caught in the headlights. His fate handed over to destiny while he stood transfixed by fear. It wasn't that he didn't want to break out of his self imposed prison with its doubts and restricting rules because he did. But no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't do it. The words ceased to come. The actions didn't happen.

He barely noticed that by now his hands had ruffled his hair so much that it stood on end making him appear as manic as he felt. At that precise moment he was unable to think clearly or to decide what was to be done. He was supposed to be a scientist. Should have been able to find a solution.

But with Sara Sidle he was always utterly clueless.

A knock on his door roused him from his thoughts and soon afterwards Catherine entered his office. He could see she had plenty to say but his anguished gaze seemed to silence her reproach. She was probably there to ask him to come and hand out the assignments. To tell him that the others were waiting for him. But someone was missing.

She placed a hand lightly on his shoulder and quietly asked, "What happened, Gil?"

Her eyes shone with worry and silent compassion.

He didn't know what to say. How did he explain something to her which he couldn't understand himself? Instead he shrugged his shoulders and sighed.

Finally, he voiced the only words he could find, "It's Sara. She's gone."

"Call her."

"I can't. She won't answer and I don't- I just- what do I do about this?"

"You know what to do," she sighed. "You always have. But you had the choice and you chose to ignore it. You're not helpless. Make another call and if you really want it enough... you'll get through."

Catherine left without a backward glance and paused only to close his door behind her.

**Your love isn't fair   
You live in a world where you didn't listen   
And you didn't care   
So I'm floating, I'm floating on air   
  
I'm on air **

She sat in a small diner with a cup of steaming coffee in front of her as her cell phone started ringing. For a moment she thought about ignoring it; she was exhausted and just wanted to enjoy a few peaceful moments until she could get back on the road again.

She sighed and pulled it out of her bag. She didn't even bother to look at who it was because she was sure that she already knew. There was no more avoiding it. This conversation was inevitable and she had to face it sooner or later- still that didn't make it any easier for her.

"Hi, Grissom."

"Hello, Sara."

She waited for him to proceed, but the continuing silence began to fray her nerves.

"Grissom, what do you want? Frankly, I have better things to do than to listen to you breathing."

"Sara, I'm not sure what to say or how to say this. But I just needed to know, why you are leaving?"

He sounded so sad and in the past that would be enough to melt the ice, but today it just made her even more angry.

"Don't play with me. I'm not a toy or a child for that matter. You know why I'm going. I only have one life to live and I'm not going to waste one more minute of it here! I wanted to go once and you made me stay. I won't make that mistake twice."

Again Grissom fell quiet, but just she was about to end the call when he spoke,

"Please, come back. I need you, Sara," the voice was sincere. Heart breaking.

"That's not enough, Gris," she said, pushing past the catch in her throat. "I'm sorry, for both of us."

Sara hung up. She placed the phone onto the cold table top without noticing and stared ahead into the rain without really seeing anything there either.

Her thoughts were with Grissom. Again. Although she was sure she had finally done the right thing, the sense of relief she had been waiting for failed to arrive.

**No warning of such a sad song   
of broken hearts   
My dreams of fairy tales and fantasy   
We're torn apart   
I lost my peace of mind   
somewhere along the way   
I knew there'd come a time   
you'd hear me say   
I'm sick and tired   
of always being sick and tired**

He stared at the phone in his hands. He knew he should call her back, try talking to her again. It couldn't be too late yet to tell her about his feelings, to tell her that he loved her and had done all this time but had been too afraid to admit it. There weren't many things on earth that could suprised Gil Grissom in his line of work but his feelings for Sara had been alien to him since the very beginning. So unnaturally overwhelming.

But hadn't he always known that he would lose her? That knew that she wouldn't put up with his behaviour forever, he just didn't expect forever would be today. Nothing had changed. Not for the better anyway. He was still her boss. He was still about a decade too old for her.

His love would be useless to Sara. All it seemed to do was hurt her. Now it sounded like there was no risk of that happening again. She wasn't coming back. There were no more chances for a man who couldn't change.

Grissom sighed deeply and placed his cell phone on the desk. There would always be work. Entering the breakroom to a sea of pitying faces he could tell that Catherine had spread the word. She just couldn't keep anything to herself!

When she spoke to him it was irritating, "The front desk had a delivery for you."

"I'll take it later," he snapped.

She pointed to the plant which stood in the middle of the table. A fully grown orchid. Although Sara had never said a word about recieving it Grissom knew instantly that this was the one he had sent. The first time. The time she stayed.

"Don't worry," Catherine indicated. "I fetched it for you. There's a card attached."

Glacing over the delivery for a second time he saw that she was right. Grissom's hands trembled as he took the card and turned it over to find a familiar slanting script. There were only two words written on its worn surface and she read them aloud over his shoulder,

_"From Grissom."_

**My love is on the line   
  
My love**

_**The End**_

If you like you can leave me a little review. I would really appreciate it. As everyone else I want to become a better writer, so any comment and constructive criticism will be helpful.


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